Hearing Voices

 

When I was younger, I didn’t realize that I was hearing things that others didn’t. I was always a messy person, and a distracted ADHD one at that, and never kept my room clean. Starting the end of elementary school, or the beginning of middle school, I would randomly have nights that I wouldn’t sleep and I would “clean” my room. I would start on one side of the room and toss everything to the middle, then only put back the things that belonged on the empty side. It drove my family nuts. My mother would say that I made more of a mess, and didn’t actually get any cleaning done, just moved things around. During those sleepless, irritable nights, I would hear a voice say my name. Sometimes I ignored it, figuring that if it was real, they would come closer or yell louder, since they knew I didn’t hear well. Sometimes though, I would respond and yell “What?” or “I can’t hear you”. My mother would dismiss it and say that I must have a guilty conscious, why else would I think someone was calling me out?

“Hearing voices no one else can hear isn’t a good sign, even in the Wizarding world”-Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

As I got older, I realized that I was actually hearing things. I would be home alone, and I swear there were voices. Most the time I couldn’t make out what they were saying, and other than calling my name (in familiar voices) they were strangers voices and they weren’t directing their conversation towards me. The best way that I can describe it is if someone is quietly playing the tv downstairs, and you’re on the other floor. You know there’s sound, but you can only make out that it’s voices talking, not the actual words.

Now that I’m older, properly diagnosed, and managing my illness with medication and strategies, I know that I only have auditory hallucinations when I’m both manic, and highly anxious. It mostly happens when I’m alone, and strangely, the H.P. quote helps me calm down. I go back into fan girl mode, turn on a tv so that there’s reason to be hearing noises, and distract myself as best I can.

Sure, hearing voices isn’t a good sign, but it’s manageable, and I’m not the only one who hears them.

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